those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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