Ketchup is God's man juice
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
