My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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