how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i love accidental penises.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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