Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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