You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
