Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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