At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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