I am puke
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
