Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
