WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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