I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I want to stick my p in your. b.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
