Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
