Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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