so explain again why im purple
no
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
