the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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