everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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