3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I cut my penus on the lid.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
