when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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