I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
