If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
