Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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