I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we're so committed to being not committed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
