He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
