just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
