I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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