so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
