i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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