He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
