I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
