I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
