cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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