JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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