when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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