if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
