I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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