Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
