Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she peed on how many people?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Randomize
