ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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