the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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