Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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