i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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