It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
