Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
