Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Two words: nipple clamps
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