At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
