She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
