I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
