I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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