i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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