i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
