we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
